Jul. 2, 2022

Choices

A couple of years ago, I was moving and needed to downsize drastically and quickly. We were about three months into the Covid phenomenon and people were starting to struggle. In case you’ve forgotten, the early days of Covid saw thousands upon thousands of job losses and put a significant strain on assistance programs like soup kitchens and food pantries. I came up with the idea to hold a “Yard Sale with a Purpose.” There were no prices, everything was for donation and all donations went to the local food pantry. And I advertised that way. Did I need the money? Sure, but there were many others who needed it more.

I knew going into it that some people might just take things, or not leave much in the jar, but I’d hoped that others would be fair, and it would balance out. I did have a few very generous people. One gentleman even said to me, “There isn’t anything I need here, but I think this is a very cool idea.” And he threw $20 in the jar. There were others who took boxes of stuff and threw maybe $5-$10 in the jar, or less. I had friends ask me afterward how I could sit there and not get angry at that, but there are two reasons.

First, I went into it with that mindset. After nearly 40 years in customer service work, I have no illusions about human behavior. People can be really crappy sometimes. They just can. But I also know that people can be incredibly generous and, in the end, the good usually outweighs the bad. Having that mindset at the beginning made a big difference. Also, my goal was to get rid of things, not make a lot of money. Keeping my focus on that goal made it easier to let things go regardless of what someone “paid” for it.

Second, at this point in my life, I have learned that everyone is a little broken - some more than others. Brokenness can make us do things that are unkind, or hurtful, or selfish. Being a little broken, myself, I know I have done things that have hurt others. Maybe that gives me a different perspective. When someone would take things at the yard sale and not leave much, if anything, in the jar, I chose to see them with compassion. I thought, “Maybe they need it more than I do.” Maybe they were looking for things they could sell themselves because they needed the money. I thought, “How broken do you need to be to walk into someone’s yard sale, take things, and not pay for them?” I didn’t make them feel bad. I didn’t get upset. I would just smile and wave and say, “Thank you for coming!” Sometimes they would look back, sometimes not. But in those that did, I could see a fear or a sadness…a brokenness. So, I would say a prayer for them as they drove away.

There is an old saying that we can’t control what happens to us, we can only control how we react to it. I recently learned of a little girl who had worked very hard to build a small lending library with her father. You know the kind, the small cabinets whimsically decorated with books inside and a sign saying, “Take a book, leave a book.” It’s a beautiful gesture of sharing and generosity. But it comes with risk. You have to trust that people will follow the “rules.” Unfortunately, that little girl learned the hard way that people don’t always follow the rules. Someone not only took the books, they took the whole set up. It’s easy to get mad, especially when it is a child that is hurt by someone’s actions. But how we choose to react as adults will teach our children either anger or compassion.

So many people have stepped up and offered to assist in creating a new library with her, to donate books, materials, and security for it. It has been a beautiful expression of love and generosity in a lousy situation. And I pray that she learns that there are so many more good people in the world and that how we react to bad things makes all the difference. My heart broke for her when I read what I had happened, and for her father who had to witness a piece of her innocence being shattered. But how they move forward is a choice and we should never stop trying to do good things.

When my yard sale was over, my house was cleaned out and I brought an envelope with $400 in it to my local food pantry. In the end, the good did outweigh the bad and I felt so much joy in my choice. We may still be dealing with the aftereffects of Covid on our economy and our lives, but how we choose to react and treat each other is up to us. Be brave. Be kind.