May. 29, 2022

Love and Loss

The past few weeks for me have seen quite a bit of loss. There has been some that has touched me personally, some via friends, and some has reached through time by marking the anniversary of past losses. It can be hard to find joy when we are in the midst of loss. Grief comes in waves, rapid, pounding waves at first, that knock us over and leave us tumbling and disoriented. Gradually, they become less frequent, less intense, and we can manage them better. The calming of these waters allows us to see the memories and joy in the time we had with those we love, but it doesn’t make it easier to process.

At one point over the last couple of weeks when I was feeling rather raw from the losses, my son texted something to me that I thought was beautiful. He said, “Something I have been focusing on lately when it comes to loss: we never really ‘have’ anything. We simply get to care for whatever or whoever it is temporarily. Then we get to give it back. It helps me focus on and cherish the time I do get with certain items or, in this case, with certain people.” As a mom, I couldn’t have been more proud or more touched by that.

I have also heard and said many times that grief is the price we pay for loving someone. The deeper the love, the deeper the grief. But that doesn’t mean that love isn’t worth the risk. In fact, I think that shows how much more important it is to love people, to tell them and show them how much they are loved. I also believe that we need to be as loving as we can to all that life has to offer. When we live our lives with an open heart, ready to receive and embrace whatever opportunities to show love that life presents to us, we become fundamentally stronger to face the losses that inevitably come our way. My morning walks with my dog, Gabe, are some of my favorite moments of the day. I love watching how he explores our neighborhood and reacts to new things along the way. We have come across a couple of deer, an opossum, and, on several occasions, a pileated woodpecker closer than I could have imagined. This morning, we saw a couple of bluebirds. With each encounter, Gabe has not run or chased or even barked. He just pauses and takes it in. So, I follow his lead; I pause and cherish the blessing that it is to see wildlife in the city. I say a prayer of thanks and we continue on.

Living life with an open heart, embracing and cherishing the time with those we love is not easy. It leaves us vulnerable to being hurt, sometimes deeply, but it also allows us to let go when the time comes. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 reminds us that there is a time for everything:

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Of course, we never seem to have enough time with those we love. But if we remember to cherish every moment we do have with them, perhaps we are better equipped to give them back when it’s time and be grateful that they were allowed to be a part of our story. Be brave. Be kind.